Something different for a while - I thought I would share my diary (a la Steve Waugh) regarding my successful return to the field this season. Similiar humour probably to my article of the A to Z of Cricketing Terms . Not up to the legendary Uncle J rod's standards, but hopefully you get a smile out of it.
Inspired by Australia's recent performances on the field in India, my own thoughts started turning towards a potential un-retirement from the game. I discussed it with my wife and kids, explaining that any return to cricket would involve me spending a lot of time away from them. They were very supportive, but I could tell that they had some reservations. Cricket is a harsh mistress, and for someone as dedicated to stellar performance as myself, the time needed to achieve the results I am capable of is high. Nonetheless, my family agreed that it would be good for me to spend more time away from home. In fact, they were so supportive that they suggested I start training every day for a few hours starting immediately.
So when the annual call from the selectors came through, I agreed (after much arm-twisting from the President) to make myself available again. They have been pestering me for years to make a comeback, however, they were genuinely surprised when I said yes. So surprised in fact, that I heard the chief selector say “oh hell no” in the background when the President told him the good news. But then they threw in the real bait – they want me to captain the team. I never saw myself in the captain’s role – I prefer to excel with both bat and ball and leave the grandstanding to others who like being in the limelight. But I feel that I can really add something to the team this year.
I am really excited about my prospects coming back into first grade. I know that my reflexes have slowed a little over the years, but my experience should enable me to cope with the young ‘quicks’ that are around these days. I went down the nets by myself and, after a few looseners, worked myself into a good rhythm and bowled 6 or 7 overs at reasonable pace. The first official net session is tomorrow and I am feeling good about things.
I can’t lift my arms up above my shoulders. Sneezing and coughing hurts like buggery. Rung in sick for work. Have to skip training – I must have pulled a muscle somehow.
Even worse than yesterday. Rang the president and explained that I would be right for the weekend opener still, as I wouldn’t want to let the first grade team down as they were no doubt excited about my return. After a bit of discussion, it appears that I have misunderstood what they wanted. They want me to come back to captain FIFTH grade. The team that never quite has enough players, and usually has a couple of ring-ins from the local prison farm. Hmmmm.
Actually managed to make it to the second training session of the week. I was introduced to my new team-mates in fifth grade. Well actually, I only met two – the rest are expected to show on the day. The two who turned up were called Weezel (cause he looks like Catweezel) and Asprin (cause he is a slow working dope). I have to get my glasses checked, as I was really struggling to pickup the ball whilst batting – perhaps my prescription is off. I tried to bowl a few balls, but my shoulders and back were still sore so I didn’t risk further injury. It will be interesting to see what happens this weekend – we have been drawn to play against the team who finished with the wooden spoon last year, so we should have an easy win.